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rivers: Bow, Massawippi, Ebro, Demerara. I want to see the AMAZON, encontro das aguas, Negro, Solimoes.

work is driving me crazy.
My birthday is coming / I can't believe the way time is passing. there is so much to DO & explore & I am in such a hurry. do I go to Brazil in the new year, after my Portuguese course is over but during the rainy season? or do I go now, when it is dry & easier to get around but I know barely anything? I want to rock-paper-scissors all my decisions, flip a coin.
speaking of coins, they are piling up in my bedroom - there is hardly any sense carrying them around because they are nearly worthless. $1, $5, $10. it takes $200 Guyanese to make $1 Canadian. I have started thinking that anything over $1000 is expensive.

where are you? what are you doing, & thinking about?

beyond my job, I am loving this life. last night Maddi came over just after sunset, & we bought roti & then the power went out for a long time so we sat out on the balcony & talked in the dark. I want to find a good place to watch the sunset. the clouds here, the sky is incredible.

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i am trying to be courageous enough to do several things that make me want to run away, give up. simple things that other people can accomplish but are challenges for me. the this whole backpacking this that tires and stresses me out because if it were up to me.. i would just stay indoors for a fortnight, with my dog and cable tv.

you are courageous already!! you will probably find after your trip that you did more impressive things than you realize now. are you staying with people? if you can afford it, it might be nice to get a cheap hotel room & just chill out & be by yourself for a day or two.
(I am a bit the same way though lately .. sometimes all I want is to sit down with my mom & talk & snack & watch tv. soon enough, soon enough)

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